So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
