i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It all started with a game of naked twister.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
