____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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