You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I could fuck to npr.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
