I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
