I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
