At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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