Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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