real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
