we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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