Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
