That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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