I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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