So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
