im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
