we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
