In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
