hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
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I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
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I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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