So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
