i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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