wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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