I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
