There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
