my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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