omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i dont even know how to be here
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
