I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she peed on how many people?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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