Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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