My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
