also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
