I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
