I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
