Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.