It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
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well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
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if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.