Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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