he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
