Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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