this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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