Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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