Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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