If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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