I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
