I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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