What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
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I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
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You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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