I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
