I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
