That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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