I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
