Your mouth is God's brothel.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
