youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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