Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
