I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
