is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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