I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
