I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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