Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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