Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
