he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
