And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
