It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
