I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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