Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
