I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
