Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!