I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
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We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
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were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.