A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance