We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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