he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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