I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
this is an emotional support booty call
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
