yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My liver just broke up with me...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
