can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
