ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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